The
process of developing a healthy confidence can be a difficult task. The tricky
thing with confidence is that it can be either over inflated or shot down depending
on the circumstances. There is a lot of conflicting advice on developing
confidence that may or may not always work. This uncertainty comes from the
great variety of uncertainties that exist within different people. Before
addressing strategies on developing a healthy confidence, it is important to explain
the differences between being confident and being cocky.
There
is a misconception of what a healthy confidence can look like, especially when
confidence and cockiness are mistaken for each other. According to the Oxford
Dictionary, confidence is defined as "feeling or showing certainty in
something".1 This certainty can be set in your own skills or
qualities that will able you to handle any challenges that may occur. However,
it is still possible to admit mistakes while maintaining that confidence. The
Oxford Dictionary defines cocky as being "conceited or confident in a bold
or cheeky way".2 When a person is cocky, they are being
overly-confident in their own abilities without acknowledging their weaknesses.
When a person struggles with their confidence, it can be a difficult task.
Fortunately, there are small tricks that can help you develop a healthy
confidence.
Many
people have a hobby or interest that they pursue in their free time. Spending time on hobbies is a fun way
to increase a person's confidence in themselves. Participating in something
that you already enjoy will help you to focus on a more positive mood. If your
hobby involves some skills (such as drawing, knitting, etc.), taking time to
practice these skills can help boost your confidence.
It is
also important to forgive past mistakes.
While it may seem simple when pointed out on paper, it is something that is
extremely difficult to practice. This allows you to not only learn from those
mistakes, but also helps redirect your energy into improving for the future. I am
guilty of occasionally not following this particular advice. It is easy to
blame myself for screwing up rather than using it as an opportunity to grow. However,
my confidence did improve when I remembered to practice this.
This
can be extremely difficult to do alone. Fortunately, you do not have to be
alone in trying to improve your confidence. Building a supportive
community with trusted friends and family can be a great help in bolstering
confidence during your lowest moments. When it seems impossible to see any positive attributes, they can point them out
at the darkest moments. It takes courage to believe them rather than the
negative voices. They can encourage you to improve or be a comforting shoulder
when things are difficult.
Sometimes
a lack of confidence can stem from feeling frustrated from a perceived lack of
accomplishments. It can be countered by setting
personal goals that are a manageable
size. These goals can be completely customizable to your personal situation.
For example if you are struggling with learning how to cook it may be easier to
focus on learning a simple recipe before moving on to a more complicated one. Personal
goals allow a gradual sense of accomplishments which will help improve your
confidence while learning a new skill. It is important to remember not to judge
progress by the time it takes to complete a task.
Your
level of confidence can be negatively affected during times of great stress.
Mistakes made in moments of high stress can seem greater. It is important to
remember to take mental health days after moments of
great stress. This can include meditation, doing some physical activity (hiking,
walking, biking, ECT) , exploring a new place or anything that you enjoy that
helps you relax best. It is important to take these breaks because they allow
you to avoid burning out. The risk of burn-out can make some simple tasks seem
like impossible challenges to overcome. These days can allow you to take a step
back from everything and re-assess from a different angle.
Another
trick to help boost your confidence is to avoid
using negative language when
talking about yourself. The terms you use to describe yourself to others or in
private can also affect your confidence. This can be a difficult task because
it can be tempting to use them more readily. One tactic that may help counter
that is to write a list of positive statements about yourself. When it is
tempting to use negative language, take a moment to look at the list if you
have it ready. Slowly replacing the negative language will help gradually
improve your confidence.
These
tactics are not meant to improve your
confidence right away. They take practice and a great deal of time which can
make it frustrating. It is important to remember that a healthy confidence does
not always mean getting rid of all of your insecurities or doubt. It is okay to
have moments of doubt or insecurity because they allow you to be self aware of
areas that need a little more growth. The important thing is to develop the
confidence to acknowledge these doubts but not to allow them to overwhelm you.
Endnotes
1. Definition of confident in English:
confident
adjective
1.Feeling or
showing confidence in oneself or one's abilities or qualities.
‘we
require outgoing, confident people able to approach large groups’
‘people
who are confident in their identity’
More
example sentences
Synonyms
2.Feeling or
showing certainty about something.
‘this
time they're confident of a happy ending’
‘I
am not very confident about tonight's game’
From English Oxford Dictionary entry: https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/confident
2. cocky
adjective
Conceited
or confident in a bold or cheeky way.
‘we were young,
brash, cocky—we knew everything’
‘a cocky playboy
with a desperado mustache’
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