In the
recesses of my memory, I can hear my mother's voice saying "Eyes on me,
eyes on me." whenever I looked away from her. She would back this up with
using her finger tips to attract my attention back to her face. This tactic was
useful for me growing up because it allowed me to maintain my focus while
keeping eye contact the whole time. One of the reasons for the success of this
tactic was my age. I was still young enough to not be overwhelmed from other
factors. It also helped that I trusted my mom and she was very patient with me.
As a result of this practice, I am no longer bothered by making eye contact.
This exercise can be best utilized in a quiet
environment with minimal distractions. You could ask a trusted friend or family
member. For a discussion, talk about a topic that both yourself and your
partner are interested in. Discussing a topic that is mutually interesting could
help make it easier to maintain eye contact. If it is too stressful to use a
general conversation, you can use a written script to read. This script could
be from a work that you are interested in such as a play or a novel. As long as
it is a topic that both yourself and your partner can enjoy together.
Before
the exercise starts, work out a gentle reminder you wish your partner to use to
help redirect your eye contact. These reminders could be a visual cue, verbal
reminder, or a combination. Figure out which one will work the best for you. If
eye contact is something that is a big struggle, set short time periods to
practice before moving on for longer conversations. Also discuss either how long or how frequently
you want them to remind you. This is a gentle exercise, if you are feeling
overwhelmed or anxious, let your partner know that you want to stop.
However,
if you are not comfortable with asking a person, you could practice with
yourself either in the mirror or with a photo. This may be a little more
stressful since it becomes your responsibility to remind yourself. The purpose
is to gradually improve maintaining eye contact without taking away your focus.
If you
are a parent of a autistic child, it may help to encourage positive
reinforcement when they do manage to make eye contact. Positive reinforcement could
help make eye contact less stressful for the child. Patience and understanding
will be crucial for this to be successful. Eye contact will be difficult
because it will take a lot of focus for your child to maintain. When they start
getting agitated, it would be best to stop the exercise until they are calmer
again. It is important to remember that the goal of this exercise is not to
force them into improving their eye contact, but a gradual growth.
This is
not an exercise that encourages masking either. If improving eye contact is a
personal goal, this may be a possible exercise to try out. It can be
frustrating trying to balance focus between making eye contact and listening to
the speaker. Autism effects everyone differently. If this exercise is causing
anxiety for you, then I do not recommend continuing. The goal is to improve eye
contact in a gradual, non-stressful exercise.
The Empathetic Aspie is a supportive
community for people on the autistic spectrum and allies. I encourage readers
to share their experiences in the comments. Discuss in the comments below about
aspects of the exercise that worked or did not work. By sharing our experiences
together, we can create a solid foundation for support and friendships.
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